In my ‘real life’ where I am not Signy Kuiper things have been in upheaval. I think I mentioned in my last blog that on top of personal pain (the dogs) my day job is in upheaval. Recent rumblings have me thinking that piece of my life will be in limbo until around the end of August. Of course those rumblings change frequently so we shall see what happens.

 

The impact of a lot of down time at work means I have a lot of time to psychoanalyze myself. Why am I not spending it writing? Oh I am when I can but it is difficult for me to settle into writing when surrounded by a lot of negative emotions. Trust me, there are lots of them in the office right now. Instead I get inside my own head. I have my hand written journal. I have a document on my computer to log thoughts when I feel like typing (it also looks more like I’m actually working on something that way). I also go find research items online to read… copying them into a document so if someone is checking I am not online all day at work. Officially at least. J

 

Back to the psychoanalysis. (Nope, I’m not easily distracted at all…) In the past two weeks there have been a lot of self revelations. The most recent is related to the distraction of my brain. In my life there have been three things that calm me down. Well, four but two of them are related in my opinion. Meditation, reading/writing, and exercise. I spent several years in martial arts classes so perhaps the first and last items are related too. Either way, all of them create the same reaction in my brain. The noise goes away. I do my best work when the noise goes away.

 

To the purpose of this site, writing is meditation for me. Focused and active meditation. That’s why I do so much of it handwritten… I can feel the energy flow through me to the pen to the paper. But I am typing this up at work right now. Can’t the energy flow through me to the keyboard as well? Surrounded by electronics all day I don’t notice it as well but the answer is yes. This is all information I need to keep reminding myself of to get myself back into my ‘me’ space.

 

That’s all the self revelations for now. Perhaps I will expound on my personal chaos theory next time? Meanwhile, does anyone else have some thoughts to share?

 

SK

 

Psst… firewalls at the office won’t let me in to post this right away. Once you see it, I will have had to send it home and post there. I shall attempt to not edit no matter how much the jumping thought patterns are annoying me. *grin*

On posting... I managed not to edit. You get the raw 'Signy at the day job'.

 

Hey there kiddos. A three month hiatus isn't too much is it? *grin* I hope not.

Excuses I have aplenty... mostly involving karma trying to kick my ass. Three major emotional upsets for the year is enough, no? I know I mentioned the first here... the loss of Moof. Well since then I have also lost Dozer to pneumonia and found out the company I work for is being dissolved. 'Retired' is the word our parent company used. Same diff. As of today I don't know if I will be moved somewhere else under the parent company or be given notice. That decision could take anywhere from two weeks to twelve months on top of what we've already spent in limbo since the announcement. Honestly, I don't know which decision I want to hear. So I've been getting my ducks in a row either way and we'll see where the pieces fall.

A lot of people say stress like this is inspiration to write. I've often been one of those people but 2010 has just been too much. I'm either crying, hiding from myself, or if I can write it's only in my journal. No one else sees that... sorry folks but it would either scare or hurt most of you.

The other day when I was at work with nothing to work on I started sketching out idea of a possible new story. It's more of a 'high fantasy' with a little romance spin. At this point I would call it light fluffiness. We'll see where that one goes. Could become a story or it could get added to the pile of ideas that are moldering in a computer file. That is not the idea that might bring me out of hiatus.

Q might bring me out of hiatus. I don't know much about him yet. Freaky scary dreams last night finally resolved into a very vivid set of scenes. Q never showed his face... or his voice for that matter... but he was the mastermind behind what was in my head. So today I am exploring this person. I know he's male. That alone is unusual for me... I usually start with the female lead. I know he was raised by someone not his parents. In fact, his birth mother is afraid of him. His birth father is aloof and proud, possibly using Q. Dunno yet. But somehow Q found his mysteriously disappearing mother and his half sister. How? Why? What made Mom run in the first place? All questions I'm trying to figure out. He's not the most talkative sort so it's been an interesting day of it. But it is writing and it has gotten my head out of the 'real world' for a while.

What more could I ask for at this point?

SK

It is a lovely day outside in my part of the United States so what am I doing inside on the computer? Attempting to be a productive writer. If you saw my Twitter post recently I really did try to write a blog last weekend. However, it turned into a lot of whining which did not need to be immortalized on the net. So it can live in the archives of one of my email accounts where I won't completely forget about it but can't torture the rest of the world.

The past few days I've been actively trying to drag myself out of my funk. Yeah I've been stressing over a lot of different things and that's seriously hindered my writing. Writing might be my way of dealing with things most of the time but there are some issues even that doesn't help. So it's been a lot of sounding off to a few friends and meditating asking for help. I got some answers, a little guidance, and a whole lot of crying to purge the negative emotions. Not sure the tears are completely done yet but getting closer so there's a little space in my head for the character voices to find a spot again.

In my home there are massive piles of notebooks and bundles of papers. These are stories. Some are just a few sentences I jotted down as an idea came to me. Others have actual scenes, character details, and research I've done. A couple are nearly completed ideas I wrote long ago. They date back to my childhood. Yep, I'm a pack rat at least where my books and notebooks are concerned. This weekend I chose one of those notebooks with some scenes, characters, and research to try working on. It's somewhat ironic that I wrote those pages over a year ago but they coincide pretty closely with recent discussions I've had with a few of you. Struck me as funny anyway so I'm attempting to return to that story idea. We shall see where it goes.

Which brings me back to sitting at my computer on such a lovely day. I have the iTunes on shuffle (it seems to think I need to listen to metal today) with a bottle of tea in front of me. The referenced notebook and pen are at my side and will become my focus when I get off from this little project. There is a writing group today, two in fact, but I am not going to either. Sorry, Amazon and Mom. Instead I am going to leave the computer just playing music and settle in on my balcony with the notebook and tea. Perhaps I can get Dozer to join me out in the sunshine.

Speaking of, I've been meaning to add a few pictures here. I know everyone gets referred to by nicknames around here but that doesn't mean I can't post pictures. Who shall be the first victim... I mean subject? *grin* I'll go with Dozer as he's right beside me. He does love his furry little monster and my bed.

I'm off to work on some ideas for the next couple hours. This story has nothing even close to a title so I can't give you that but I can tell you it started with me watching Ghost Hunters. Let your own imaginations go from there.

SK

Greetings kids... today I come to you from the resident writers' favorite coffee shop/restaurant/soda fountain. Yep, we have one that covers all three... and it's actually good. So, as I sit here waiting for the pain meds to kick in and make it so I can actually turn my head again I thought I'd drop a note in here. And before you ask, no I have no idea what I did to my neck and shoulder other than I vaguely remember hearing a pop sometime in the early morning hours since I don't sleep through the night. If it doesn't clear up today I will be calling the chiropractor in the morning.

Why am I at the coffee shop? Blame Mom. Well partially at least. She organized an impromptu write-in for today. That's the kind of thing we do every day in November for NaNo. I got the impression she's been having trouble focusing on writing home alone lately so she organized this. And got a bigger response than anticipated... or than I anticipated at least. Several people said they are coming... one just walked in even... and we might get to meet a few of the new people we've been hassling online. One in particular seems to think he is immune to the consequences of poking the bear writers in their dens. Practice sword is in my car just waiting.

On to topics... this I've been a little shy on lately. In all areas. I tried taking a break from editing to just read for entertainment. The first novel I picked up... recommended and loaned to me by Asrion... just couldn't hold my interest. Instead I've been mind wandering on a website that is truly dangerous for me if I want to be productive. Wikipedia.org. Dangerous I tell you. My college years were spent anticipating a career teaching history, government, and anthropology so I have read and actually appreciated some very dry texts. Heck, I actually read Homer and Virgil without resorting to cliff notes versions. Still have those books too. All those lists of who someone was descended from drove more than a few of my classmates to run out of the library screaming.

So Wikipedia is a wonderful way for me to kill time and research whatever pops into my head. If you haven't figured it out by now I am a hard core procrastinator. All I need is one topic to look up on Wiki and I am gone. With all of the built in links I can go chasing information for hours... and usually end up with documents of notes on other places I want to go read later. Vicious cycle I say. But oh so fun for me.

What have I been working on lately besides research? Not editing the novel I wrote in November. I'm still needing some distance from that monster. So I've been making notes on other story idea. That is what research does for me sometimes... spark story idea. The brain has still been fuzzy of late but a few snippets are floating out there. Today I am going to work on the Elizabethan fantasy idea. A piece of it might become that M/M romance some of the family have been pestering me to try since that's what I was editing. I'll start there but don't be surprised if it expands into more. Or dies as the case may be.

On another note, this crazy lady is now on Twitter too. Find me there under the user name SignyKuiper.

Alright kiddos, time for me to finish my lunch and get to work here. Enjoy your afternoons and I'll catch up with you later.

SK

I am being hassled to blog once more... thus forced blogging while being stabbed at by the unicorn Asrion. Yeah, that's a long story involving the after effects of a migraine. Be afraid. Very afraid.

So I shall apologize now for not blogging for two and a half weeks. I had a topic on schedule but lost it. Something to do with ebooks I think. Oh well, I'll find it again one of these days. But for now I am brain fried. When I stopped to think about it I realized I have not read anything just for entertainment since last October. Since then everything has been editing for myself or others. Okay, mostly others. Mother's gonna thwap me soon for that one, I suspect. But I have friends who are such good writers that I can't help myself. And Amazon hooked me up with proof reading for her publisher which has been alternately fabulous fun and complete torture. The last one fell into the latter category. Another reason for me to take a break.

Now that I've decided to take a break and actually find fun stuff to read, what should I read? It's not like I don't have a stack of a couple dozen novels waiting to be read. And it's not like I don't adore wandering the bookstores. But I do get overwhelmed.

Thus I leave you with a task. Recommendations on what I should read?

SK

Hello again, my friends. Yep, still here and still reading/writing. The two are synonymous right now as I'm doing a lot of beta reading and editing these days... for other people mostly but hey it's good practice. Right?

Today I want to direct you all to read a blog posted by Amazon (for those of you who haven't read it already at least). You can find it here... http://amazoniowan.livejournal.com/454574.html. She posted this nearly a week ago and it's taken me this long to read it. Very long week for which I owe a few people apologies and thank yous for putting up with me. But Amazon's post, while written to writers, is relevant for pretty much all of life. She's talking about that oh so wonderful little voice we all have that directs us towards caution but can get out of hand sometimes.

I've never been a risk taker... that voice had too much of a flavor of my parents to it and in my younger days I was the perpetual good girl. I never did anything wrong. Then again, I had to be pushed into trying anything as well. That included writing. I had a wonderful English teacher back then who really encouraged me... but I was a teenage girl who believed what was told to her. Go ahead, call me naive and I will fully admit it. So while the teacher was encouraging me I had my parents and the voice who wanted to protect me from being hurt by others' opinions of me and friends who thought I was competition in that arena. Only recently have I destroyed the 'critique' from one of those friends that made me abandon any thoughts of being a writer back then.

So, since then I've been the equivalent of Amazon's hiding in the closet with the colander. Thankfully I do not have the green plastic colander... that was my mother's. Even when I met my first true best friend eleven years ago and starting getting the flavor of support I needed it took a long time to accept my voices and work with them. I still tell them to fuck off on occasion rather than being more gentle as Amazon says. But I do have a teeny tiny stubborn streak on occasion. Oh, and I'm pretty sure for me it isn't voice but voices. Different flavors for whatever risk I'm considering at the time. The crying, bleeding girl when it's emotional. The glaring mother when it's physical. The ranting father for most everything else. Yeah, I'm least gentle with that last one... my father was the one who taught me to argue. No surprise to those of you who have met him, I'm sure. Go ahead, Webyeti, chime in on that one.

Reading Amazon's post really got me thinking about those voices. Yeah, I've known they were there and acknowleded them a long time ago. Too many psych classes in college not to then add my own curiosity and love of research on top of that. But I have realized that until a few months ago I never really dealt with them... just let them have their way. Until my life got spun around. Now I can't do that anymore. The potential paths I see laid out before me are definitely not going to let me hide and take zero risks. Am I scared? Hell yes. Just writing this is making me want to cry even with Dozer snuggling up to me. But to use an analogy related to my home town, that train is coming and there's no stopping it. So deal with it and do what ya gotta do.

Now, go read Amazon's post. Oh, and if you have any interest in her genre she has a new book out call Special Delivery. I just got my signed copy from her yesterday... and refrained from squealing out loud at least.

For those apologies they are owed to my heart brothers, the first for Webyeti. I'm sorry I dropped the news about Moof on you like I did... didn't want to upset you but I did want you to be the first to know. You were there when I got him and I know you loved him too. For Asrion who has put up with my moping this week. Your hugs and support kept me in one piece.

This dreary Sunday for which the forecasters are predicting yet more snow (I still swear someone's after a body count this winter), I'm off to read a couple folders of material I have from Amazon and Asrion. Snuggled up on my sofa with tea and Dozer sounds about perfect for the moment. The voices will be silent and I can gear up for the next round.

SK

Another weekend and another post. At least I'm getting it in at the beginning of the week this time. It's a quiet Saturday morning here. Dreary and awaiting more snow but that's just life in February in this little corner of the world. I'm spending it curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket with a hot cup of coffee (doctored), my netbook, and two hounds snoozing (no snores... yet).

On the writing front, I wish I could say I've made progress on my own work but I really haven't. Nor have I made progress on edits for Asrion or the read through for Amazon. Sorry guys... just been one of those weeks. But I have been doing some proofreading/galley edits for Amazon's publisher. From my perspective it's interesting to see how this stuff works. I've done two short stories for them and just got my first novel to proof before next Friday. A good challenge for me. This weekend I also got a story from Amazon to beta read. Very excited for that one. I love reading her stuff. (Yeah, that may have made her blush but oh well... she's done it to me enough, that's for certain).

So why the lack of any sort of progress? It's a bitter sweet weekend around here. One of the hounds, Moof, hasn't been feeling well for a while but it's all been typical greyhound ailments so I thought nothing of it. Been there; done that. This week it progressed to seizures. So after some testing and consulting with multiple vets the diagnosis is intestinal cancer. I knew going into adopting greys that they are prone to this disease in its various forms. It's something I've been witness to among family and friends already so once the initial panic attack fades I know what to expect. And I pretty much always knew what I would do if one of my boys got to this point. All treatments are invasive, painful, scary, and unlikely to help much even in controlling symptoms. Not something I can put the pup through. So as of Monday morning he gets to sleep.

Moof is pretty sure he's going to get his puppy angel wings and no one really doubts it. He always has been the one who loves everyone and knows they love him. At least he's sure they all love him. *grin* His brother, Dozer, might dispute that on occasion but only in that typical brotherly way. He'll be adjusting to only puppy status again... I just hope he doesn't revert back to being anti-social chicken dog again. We've made such progress the last four years. But for right now the two of them are snuggled up together.

So now I'm going to go back to snuggling with pups and do some beta reading... because that always makes me smile. Those of you with pets, give them a pet/ear-scratch/snuggle/treat/whatever is appropriate for who they are and enjoy your weekend.

SK

I've been reminded that I missed writing a blog last weekend. As I sit here today trying to move thoughts through my brain I'm having a hard time remembering why that was. I know I did some writing... even got together with some fellow writers... but otherwise my memory is blank. So, sorry if I've disappointed anyone.

Today I have a full day all to myself. My plan was to do some house cleaning, play with the dogs, then focus on writing. Particularly editing my own story that I wrote for NaNo 2009. (Yes, I know that line will make some of you smile.) Some laundry and dishes have been done. Dozer is curled up next to me on the sofa while Moof has made a nest out of my comforter on my bed. And me? I've spent most of the morning curled up with my new blanket on the sofa with my netbook. But the manuscript I should be editing is at the other end of the sofa. Haven't touched it. Instead, have I been writing on the netbook? Nope. Watching the Ghost Hunters marathon and playing mahjongg. Oh, and drinking coffee but that's just a given with me anyway.

So I pulled open the blog. My hope is that by writing here I not only appease the one hassling me to update but also get my brain and fingers in motion. The tv show really does have a part to play in this. A friend of mine has been discussing some difficult characters in his current story with me lately. Characters that have some similarity to characters I have in a story I started a while ago. Those discussions have brought that story back to my conscious mind. My empathic paranormal investigator and the menagerie of creatures she encounters. Now I just need to find that notebook since none of those notes are on the computer yet.

The problem? That requires me to get off the couch. Though if Amazon keeps taunting with pictures of her fire that might push me to move... just out of frustration. Or I start something new... something inspired by the yet more snow we are getting in the frozen wasteland.

For those of you who are both literate and interested in sports, enjoy the Super Bowl tonight. I know I will be.

SK

Today I am blogging from the local Nano reunion, surreptitiously of course. That is the amazing, wonderful people I did NaNoWriMo with a couple months ago. And no, that's not sarcasm. I may not always agree with everyone but the simple fact everyone writes something and keeps writing is a good thing. So they are amazing, wonderful people. And Mom's in charge which is always entertaining. I get to be the antagonistic child. *grin* We may have our own group website eventually... isn't that cool?

This writing group thing is pretty new to me. I am so used to being the only person I know doing this stuff. Occasionally squiggs me out a little bit sometimes. I hate to compare myself to others but it's a little hard not to when everyone around me is doing the same thing. Thus I lurk as I am doing now.

Part of this group's events today is a writing assignment. With a name, occupation, item, color, and word count we are to write a short story including all of this before the next meeting. Last meeting we had a similar assignment. Which I failed to complete. *shrug* I lost it... if you saw my place you'd understand. Chaos reigns there. BTW, everything on the card to be written about was chosen by someone else. My card has Simon, waste disposer, screw, mauve, and 432. We shall see if in the next three weeks I can do this. In with the rest of my to do list. Or I see if Asrion will do it... heeheehee. The WebYeti can tell the newest brother how I hassle them.

So what do the rest of you think about writing groups? How have they worked for you? And not just writing groups, actually. I feel like this is as much a support group as anything else. What other support groups do you like?

I'm going to sign off for now. Have a good week, everyone.

SK

Since I was hassled this morning about not posting all week... see, I'm here!!!!! :-)

I really did intend to update but it turned into a topsy turvy week. As much as I wish I could be Signy The Writer full time such is not my life. I have a day job, dogs, family, friends and even a bio-family that occasionally pop up as they did this week with a new member. Two families, you ask? Well yeah... don't we all have the family we're born into (biological) then the family we choose (emotional)?

I must also regrettably inform you that I have done no work on my own writing this week. I've actually done little in the writing arena, actually. But that's why I'm here now. To get myself into the writing mindset. Because I have two stories from my family here that I need to get read and commented on. And my own current WIP.

Hmm, my brain finally latched onto a blog post topic to discuss with that comment. The writing mindset. It's something I've heard other writers talk about too. For my day job, I have a routine of dragging myself and the dogs out of bed and getting ready to leave the house for the day. Well, I have a routine for getting into the writing as well. That is when I become Signy. And it is something I got away from but am trying to get back to. The desk is set up. I have my very important hot beverage (preferably caffeinated as this one is). I have my jar of nuts... yeah, I consume things as I write. But I'm still missing the music and the candle. The music varies by mood and what I'm writing. The current work was first drafted during NaNoWriMo and has no set soundtrack. Which means I'll fall back on the symphony or jazz music which is my default mode. The candle burned out during NaNo and still needs to be replaced. I need my fire. :-D

So that's my agenda for the next little bit of time... music and fire so I can complete my transition to Signy. Then it's much reading and editing for me. Then tomorrow it's a reunion of the NaNo group, some of whom are the family of which I speak. That I am very much looking forward to even if Mom is going to hassle me. (Heh, another in the cast of characters for my life now has a name... Sorry, Mom, no changing it now.) Perhaps I shall create my next post as a live report?

Coffee is empty... off for a refill and to hunt down that fire. Everyone have a good weekend and for those in my area stay warm & dry.

SK